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my submissive discovery

A submissive's diary and experiences as a married woman exploring BDSM.

The submissive within

So the appeal of a D/s-M (Dominant/Submissive – Marriage) comes as much of a surprise to me as anyone else if they knew!  But, when I am quiet and still, and think about who I REALLY am, in my core, it’s a submissive- to the right person.  For me, that person is my husband/Dom, “Bo.”

We’ve switched roles throughout our 12 year marriage- some of the time we’ve both been working, some of the time I’ve been a stay at home Mom, and some of the time he’s been a stay at home Dad.  No questions asked, the time I was the main breadwinner and he was staying home was the absolute hardest years of our marriage.  I don’t believe that is always the case, but for WHO I AM and WHO HE IS, the dynamic DID NOT WORK.

I always felt like I was failing as a Mom and he felt like a failure as a Husband.  For a Family to function and be healthy, both partners need to feel successful in both roles Husband/Wife and Mother/Father.  Otherwise you’re throwing yourself into a brick wall, over and over and over again.  I am just so grateful we made it through those years and came out wiser and stronger on the other side.

As a Feminist, I believe that all women should have a) the RIGHT to choose what they do with their life and b) that choice, whether it is stay at home or go to work should be viewed and respected equally by our society.  That is a whole different post for a different day.

For us, what we’ve finally discovered works, is him working OUTSIDE the home, earning money to provide for our physical needs, and me working INSIDE the home, as a Mom and Wife.  On top of that, the more I focus on being submissive to him, and allowing and affirming his leadership in our home, the more at peace I feel.  I’m not even sure if he’s noticed my effort- but that’s irrelevant because I’m doing it for me.  I’m learning that I tend to talk-over or finish his sentences.  So I’m working hard to keep my mouth shut and my ears open until he finishes his thought(s).  My motivation to keep the house clean and make good dinners, keep up with laundry, etc. has always been primarily for him.  Not that he has ever demanded or expected anything, but I know that it makes him happy, so that’s how I get pleasure from those repetitive & mundane tasks.

Part of being submissive is putting the needs and desires of your Dominant, first.  Trusting them to lead.  So that’s my focus.  What can I do, right now, today, that will make him feel loved and appreciated?  Luckily, I am married to a loving, kind, happy, generous, respectful man who has never denigrated, disrespected, or even yelled at me.  If that was the case, there is a) no way in hell I would stay with him and b) the D/s wouldn’t be healthy and would not fulfill me in the way that it has in such a short time.

It’s often said that if you want to love someone, serve them.  So that’s what I’m doing.

A public diary

My husband and I have just BARELY started to incorporate D/s into our “bedroom” life.  After witnessing infidelity tear apart 2 couples who are friends of ours, I knew that I could no longer take our marriage and sex-life for granted.  Just like there are no guarantees we will wake up to see tomorrow, there are no guarantees that a marriage can withstand outside forces if there isn’t a conscious effort to strengthen it from within.

I’m writing this blog primarily for my own sanity.  I don’t feel comfortable sharing these thoughts and feelings with anyone outside my marriage (friends, family, etc.) but at the same time, I need to process them, and writing is the best way.

So why a PUBLIC site?  As I’ve been researching D/s & BDSM, almost every site has naked bodies all over it.  Beautiful bodies, but naked nonetheless.  Hopefully this site will provide insight into “the Lifestyle” as it’s incorporated into a monogamous, healthy, loving, marriage without the visual “soft porn” element.

 

 

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